( Calories are indeed calories. Frankly, Jack gets most of his from sugary drinks anyway. He practically survives on the contents of the frozen drink machines at work.

He does as he's told, but he does seem faintly perplexed as he goes — more perching on the edge of the cushion than sitting back comfortably. )

First of all, I'm not a child. Just so we're clear. I own a gas station.

( Which... granted, that's a pretty recent turn of events and he's not very good at running a business, but it's a credential worth pointing out. )

Second- is this like a normal thing doctors do... whenever you're from? Food service? Because the most I've ever gotten from any doctor's office is, like, a lollipop — which I realize doesn't actually help my case about being a grown-ass adult, but if you don't like candy you're dead inside and I'll die on this hill.